I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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