I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
