I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just cut my nipple shaving
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
