im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
This house was built for laser tag.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
