..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
