the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
