i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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