Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
