so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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