Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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