Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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