Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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