Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's not a walk of shame if you run
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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