ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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