i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
