I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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