anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
