Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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