There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
