You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
