i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
