just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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