guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You were trust falling into bushes
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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