..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
