i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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