That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
