a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
