I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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