omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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