Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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