You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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