the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
