You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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