i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
