He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
