I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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