saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
