you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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