Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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