I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
