I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
