I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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