Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
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i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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