id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
