The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
