i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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