My friends, they love my intelligence
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
