Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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