Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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