What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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