remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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