she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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