This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
