Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
