he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
