Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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