Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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