Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
