i wish my penis had a tongue
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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