Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
