I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
