yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
