So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
