if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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