yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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