did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Someone shit on the floor
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
this is an emotional support booty call
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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