She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
