I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Randomize
